


Out Somewhere For a Beer Run : The Sequel

by ifyouloveme_letmebinge



Series: Out Somewhere For a Beer Run : The Series [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: And That Hurts Him More Than You Think, Angst and Fluff and Smut, BAMF Eileen Leahy, Blowjobs, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel Is In Love With Dean Winchester Like He Really Loves Him, Castiel Is The Most Patient Person, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Men of Letters Bunker, Dead Jack Kline, Dean Winchester Actually Deals With Feelings, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Struggles with his Sexuality, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Use Their Words, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is John's Good Little Soldier, Dean Winchester is So Done, Destiel Have Sex in Dean's Room, Eileen Ships It Too, Eileen walked in at the wrong time..., Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/M, First Time Writing Real Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fluff galore, Gay Sex, I'm never attempting to write smut again, It turned out very angsty, Kudos to smut writers, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, Please read this because writing that bj physically hurt me, Sam Winchester Knows, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Secret Relationship, Set in s15, Sneaky Destiel, Sorry Not Sorry, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Winchester Bro-ment, Winchester Tears, destiel smut, just for a bit though, s15 of SPN, weird huh, what a surprise, yall rock idk how you do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifyouloveme_letmebinge/pseuds/ifyouloveme_letmebinge
Summary: It's time Dean stops creating excuses and hiding behind his fears. He needs to make his relationship with Cas official, but he didn't expect it to be so soon or through such awkward circumstances...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Out Somewhere For a Beer Run : The Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756444
Comments: 16
Kudos: 150





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the one comment](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+one+comment).



> HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! Welcome back to the canon-verse of Out Somewhere For a Beer Run! 'Tis the Sequel this time! So I suggest if you haven't read that one-shot, do it right now because it might make a little more sense for Dean and Cas's relationship and it's progress... And YES! It does progress!! 
> 
> Just to clear up the timeline: The first part of this series was probably set sometime in S13 after Cas came back, like probably around the cowboy episode (you know the one), and this Sequel takes place somewhere in the middle of S15, as Jack is dead (RIP) and so is Rowena already (RIP), and ALSO its after 15x9 ("The Trap"), obvi, because Deancas have made up and are back in love. And all is right with the world. Well, except for the fact that Chuck is making their life Hell. 
> 
> I'd just like to say the only reason this exists is because of ONE COMMENT on the first part that said they couldn't wait to see what happened next. Well, fyi, there wasn't going to be anything that happened next, BUTTTT then I got inspired and my hands slipped and WHOOPS ~5500 words came out! So I hope to do that person justice...
> 
> And, ofc, this is thanks to the Fam for letting me rant and flush out details and for the wonderful ideas <3   
> I hope you enjoy. And I hope I gave them the "end" they deserved.

It wasn't Dean's fault. Truly, it wasn't.

He simply got distracted.

Earlier that afternoon he had come home from grocery shopping. The boys had just gone on one of their longest hunts in awhile, a medium-sized vampire's nest, and Dean was exhausted. But he knew it fell on him to do it this time around since Sam had done it last time, so he owed him. And especially because Eileen had come to visit a couple days before, and the last thing Dean would want to do would be to cut the precious time they had together short, so he went without complaining. Just this once. 

He was putting the food away in the kitchen when he heard the bunker door creak open and close. 

“In here!” He yelled, checking the due date on some turkey breast he bought. 

Steps on the stairs, then down the hall towards the kitchen. Too loud to be Sam - who was the best hunter which meant he was subconsciously trained to not make any noise, even when not hunting he still kept his instincts for surprising the enemy - and Dean could hear too many strides, taking too long to reach the kitchen (Sam had long legs and would have arrived in record time) and then, from behind the counter, he saw Castiel appear. He stepped into view and stopped at the doorway. 

Dean immediately smiled. “Hey Cas.” 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Castiel was the exact same as the last time Dean saw him. Which would have been three weeks ago at a random motel, where they were together for a night, before Dean had to leave for a hunt and Cas had business with Heaven. Dean took in his disheveled hair, pronounced pointy nose, his grinning full lips (hopefully meaning he was happy to see Dean after so long too), his blue eyes, warmer in the bunker lights, and his big dumb dirty trenchcoat. Oh, how Dean missed him. 

Castiel slowly stepped down and fully entered the kitchen, coming to stand on the opposite side of the island from Dean, bringing with him an air of lightness and ease that made Dean’s chest swell with comfort at seeing his best friend again. 

Pots and pans hung above their heads and concrete separated their bodies, yet Dean had never felt more united. Castiel brought with him the sense of  _ family _ and  _ belonging _ and being  _ loved,  _ and Dean couldn’t resist giving in and finally allowing himself to  _ relax _ . After weeks of being riled up and tense, trying to save lives, failing, fighting,  _ losing,  _ getting back up, looking those  _ bastards  _ in the eye and trying again until there was nothing to hack away at anymore, he finally let go of his stress. 

Let the world go fuck itself, and let his little brother figure it out, and let another apocalypse come because all Dean needed was right here in front of him. His guardian angel. 

Castiel was starting to feel more and more like the center of the universe for Dean. And sometimes, it scared him shitless. On some days he was terrified of saying or doing something he could regret because he knew he wouldn’t get  _ this, no way _ . Dean knew he would never get a ‘happy ending.’ But he also knew Castiel was as close as he would get. And on other days, on much better days, Dean gave in. And he let himself be content with the one thing he had. 

Today felt like one of those days. 

“How was the hunt?” Castiel tilted his head to the side, and Dean suddenly couldn’t stand the space between them anymore. He put the last of the perishable items in their fridge and slowly faced Castiel again. 

“Fine. Made it out without too many scratches,” Dean cleared his throat, “How is Heaven?”

Dean could see the moment Castiel changed. His shoulders tensed and his hands twitched, desperate to solve the problem himself but unable to (Dean was all too familiar with the feeling), the way his eyes went distant as if he was seeing something Dean couldn’t, his brows came together in a frown that also reached his mouth, making him look utterly helpless. 

Castiel sighed deeply and answered softly, looking like he was forcing the words out. “It could be better. But I’m doing what I can. And I guess that’s enough for now.” He shifted his weight, and Dean tried not to pity him.

Dean knew Heaven was in trouble. What with the lack in the Angel supply since the Fall years ago and the fact that they seemed to continue to be killing more of them, it didn’t help the situation. Sometimes Dean wondered how Cas kept it together. 

He started, “Is there anything I c--”

“No,” Castiel said all too quickly, and it made Dean question if he truly trusted him, “Unfortunately, there’s nothing you or Sam or anybody can do. Heaven will just… have to restart, somehow. And I just have to make sure they can do that.” 

The denial for help shut Dean up, and they were quiet for a second, just looking at each other. Castiel broke the silence.

“Speaking of Sam, where is he?”

Dean inhaled a breath of relief, “He’s out with Eileen. Sam took her to a picnic dinner, ever the romantic.” He chuckled, and it caught in his throat when he realized what he said. 

It was awkward because it raised the question: did they have this? Romance? Did Cas and Dean have what Sam and Eileen and possibly the rest of the human race did? Of course, Dean’s life had never been normal by any means, he knew he could never have a normal relationship with anyone, but Castiel was the closest thing he ever had to  _ steady _ in his life. The closest thing to a normal relationship that could last. 

But they weren’t even official. Dean had been with Cas for  _ years  _ now. Years of leaving the Bunker at late nights and coming in before sunrise, years of quick, stolen, hidden kisses before they thought they’d never see each other again, years of betrayal and trust and finding each other  _ over and over, _ somehow always coming back like a current in the ocean, years of lying to Sam, years of being afraid of touching, of saying or looking too much, years of overthinking and pushing Cas away and pulling away himself before he did something and ruined it, like Dean does with every fucking thing in his life. Years of secrecy and lying to everyone in his life. 

After all these years, Dean still couldn’t consider what they had  _ romance.  _ He felt ashamed. Making Cas leave and hide him away as if he could be embarrassed to be seen with him and near him. Cas didn’t deserve that. But then, Dean always knew he couldn’t give Cas what he deserved. 

Castiel sighed and shyly looked up. Somehow he knew what went on in Dean’s head and he respected it, and  _ fuck him, damn him _ for being so accepting about it and never pushing Dean to say anything, never outing him, never suggesting they step into the sun with  _ this _ , all because he could see inside Dean’s head and he could understand how scared Dean was of this. How he never imagined they’d get this far, grow this attachment to each other, feel like each other’s home yet never have the courage to admit it to the world. He could see Dean cared so much he was afraid of losing Castiel if they made it too real. 

“I missed you.” He said simply, and Dean’s shoulder’s sagged in relief. He watched as Castiel stepped closer and reached out and  _ fuck it  _ if Dean’s hand didn’t fly out and grasp Castiel’s. He felt his palm, soft compared to his, but strong and grounding in a way that allowed Dean to levitate and leave his own body. Castiel both held him together and set him free. 

Dean’s throat felt too thick, “Me too.” He tugged at his hand and they fell into each other’s arms, Dean burrowed his forehead in Castiel’s neck and breathed him in. He felt Castiel’s fingers brunch his jacket tighter in his grip over his shoulders. He let his weight sag and Castiel held him up, and he supported him and it meant more than this moment, this reunion. It meant that even after all they went through he was still there, just waiting for Dean to give in and  _ relax,  _ in a way only Castiel ever saw. 

Dean turned his head and kissed Castiel’s neck, nosed his way up to his cheek and pecked him there too. He felt more than heard Castiel’s breath when it caught in his chest where they were pressed together, right before he kissed him. They held each other, just close and comforting and Dean felt lightheaded as he kissed back. 

He wanted more and his teeth nipped at Castiel’s, who turned his head and kissed him deeper. Dean felt a spark of light build in him and he pressed closer still, grabbing at Castiel’s trenchcoat, urging him on. They stayed like that, half igniting the fire within each other, half making up for the time they weren’t together and couldn’t kiss, couldn’t feel and be with each other like they wanted to.

“Bed--”

“Room--” Castiel finished for him, with a look in his eyes that was pure hunger and want and it sweeped Dean off his feet that someone could look at another person like that.

Dean still gripped Castiel’s hand tight in his, needing a reminder they were still connected, and he led the way to his room through wobbling knees. They turned to each other when they entered Dean’s room, Castiel closed the door behind him with his foot and Dean almost lunged, pushing Cas back against it and crushing their lips together again with a ferocity reserved for only when he knew they were alone. 

Castiel pulled back from the kiss, his hands pushing Dean’s green jacket down and out of the way, with his teeth catching on Dean’s lower lip and he couldn’t breathe right. He felt all too hot, sweat prickling at his hairline and his neck, but he shivered when Castiel slid his hands to Dean’s shoulders and pushed him backwards, towards the bed and Dean stumbled back and fell on top of it with a gasp. Castiel stared him down and shrugged out of his trenchcoat and he was sight to behold. Castiel looked powerful in only his suit, his lips bitten-pink and his cheeks flushed. His hair was awry in all directions from Dean’s fingers, his blue eyes almost glowed as he stood there, heaving rough breaths, and he walked towards Dean.

Dean still felt like his lungs were non-existent. He didn’t know how he looked at that moment, probably like a deer caught in the headlights as his hunter, Castiel, stalked towards him. 

His lips were shiny and wet from their kissing, a flush the color of a tomato spread from his neck to his cheeks, making his freckles pop out on his nose and face, and his hair needed serious combing. He couldn’t care less about it as long as Cas kept walking towards him and kept looking at him just like that, like he wanted to devour him. 

Dean’s fingers flexed and brunched up his blanket as his side when Castiel leaned down with either hand next to his hips, caging him in, and he kissed him again. Dean raised his hands, pushed Castiel’s suit jacket down his arms and threw it on the ground. He brought his palms to Castiel’s shoulders, and appreciated the muscle of it before he slid them to undo his tie as his tongue probed inside Castiel’s mouth. Castiel groaned in response and unbuttoned Dean’s flannel, and he pulled it off as well as his t-shirt in a swoop over his head. Castiel threw his tie to the side. 

It took them a bit, still, to get fully naked, but they managed after years of practice. And they weren’t in any hurry. Dean knew Sam would be out with Eileen for a while, so he didn’t hurry Cas. One rule they had, set in place by Dean of course, was that they couldn’t do this when Sam was home. Especially when Sam was home. 

Dean felt like an asshole sometimes. Some days, they would all come home from a hunt, from saving the entire fucking world, and all he wanted to do was fuck Cas until the sun rose the next day, but he just  _ couldn’t _ let Sam find out. It hurt most on the days when all Dean wanted,  _ needed,  _ was to cuddle with Castiel; to just hold him and fall asleep together. Dean hated his own rule sometimes, but it was there for a reason his heart wasn’t ready to admit, so he followed it blindly.

And Castiel, for some fucking reason, followed it too. He never asked questions and never pushed for more from him. At times, Dean wondered if he already knew the answers. 

Castiel had got him ready between kisses, soothing Dean’s whimpers and pleas. He kissed his cheek and slid down. He kneeled between Dean’s bowlegs and took his dick in his hand, and Dean gasped, his breath rushing out of his lungs. 

Cas turned his head and kissed the side of Dean’s base. 

“Missed you.” He whispered against it. 

Dean would never learn where Cas learned how to tease like this. He realized too late that Castiel was not just talking about him when Castiel slid his mouth down his dick and he gasped again. With heaving breaths he stared down at Cas taking his length deeper still and it felt so good and warm and  _ wet,  _ Dean felt fire in his belly and he groaned with his whole chest. A deep rumbling sound that he could feel made Castiel shiver and his hands came to grasp Dean’s hips, who jumped at the contact and then he pulled off. 

Dean wheezed for breath to enter his lungs and he shook his head, “Please Cas, no. No, I- I’m sorry Cas, pleaseplease.”

“Patience.” He stated gravely, and ran his hand through his hair before dipping down again and licking up to the head of Dean’s dick. Dean’s breath stuttered in surprise, and his hands gripped the sheets at his sides. His head was spinning and he was sweating with the effort of keeping his hips down for Cas, he felt the heat grow in his belly when he felt Castiel’s mouth on him again, and he recognized he was talking but he couldn’t hear the words he was saying. 

He felt Castiel moan around him, the vibrations making Dean cry out and squeeze his eyes shut and the heat in his belly spiked for a single second, and then he felt the pressure lift away. Castiel climbed his way up Dean’s body as Dean tried to catch his breath again and blink the purple spots away from his vision. He felt like he was burning out of his skin and he  _ needed  _ Cas immediately. 

Castiel kissed him with renewed fervor… 

****

Collapsed next to Dean, Castiel panted and Dean admired his chest as it expanded. It rose up and down and Dean tried to push away thoughts of times when he had watched that same chest  _ not  _ do that, and wished with all he had that it would. 

Dean was on his stomach, his cheek pressed against the pillow and he smiled at Cas next to him. He enjoyed the sound of his breath slowing down, going even and normal. 

“I really did miss you.” Castiel whispered with the toothy smile Dean longed for so much. His hair stuck to his forehead and he looked positively adorable.

“Me too, Cas,” Dean grinned, “Glad we get a break.” 

Dean’s hand came up and cupped Castiel’s cheek and he relaxed into the touch, making Dean wonder if hunting was worth anything at all if he could trade it for being next to Cas like this. Just like this. In their own bubble of comfort and lazy touches and cooling sweat and meaningful glances that spoke a thousand secret promises. 

Dean was sated and calm and he liked Cas so much at this moment he… He  _ loved  _ him. 

But of course he did. Of course, Dean loved Cas. 

They’d only ever said it a handful of times, Cas more than Dean, but right then Dean felt tired of biting his lip to keep it inside his mouth, clenching his jaw because it was on the tip of his tongue, walking away because it was the only thing left to say, kissing Cas instead, but to keep himself quiet. He was so tired of running away from something so wonderful (How did he make himself do it?). It was so much easier to lay down and look at Cas like this and stay here forever. 

“I love you.” He said. Castiel was surprised and his smile faltered, Dean’s heart clenched painfully for half a second, but then he beamed happily at him. Dean wanted to keep that smile there forever. 

“I love you.” He repeated again, he forced himself to say it and believe it because it was the truth. It was the only truth that mattered to Dean. 

He found himself still talking, “And maybe-- God Cas, I don’t know. Maybe we should just,” He shrugged, “Get out with it, you know?”

Castiel stared in what looked like disbelief. Dean had unleashed something inside himself and he couldn’t stop, “Like, I’m not ashamed to love you. I do. I love you so much Cas, you’re-- You’re the only thing keeping me tog--”

“Dean--” 

“-- and I’m sick of  _ hiding  _ it from everyone--”

“Just wait, Dean don’t--”

“-- and I want  _ us,  _ Cas.” He finally breathed out and Castiel gasped air in, “I want  _ us.  _ And I don’t  _ care  _ who knows it.” 

Castiel was quiet, just breathing and assessing Dean. Then he grasped his hand tightly and he smiled so wide, Dean felt like his heart would burst. 

“Yes, Dean. I would  _ love  _ that.”

And the door opened and Dean’s heart leapt to his throat, hunter instincts kicking in, and Castiel scrambled out of the bed just to fall off and land with a thud on the floor, and there stood Eileen, frozen with her hand on the doorknob, eyes  _ huge  _ and mouth agape. 

She broke the silent three-way staredown by signing:  _ Sorry.  _

Yeah, he got distracted and forgot to lock the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAOO Eileen really had the worst timing here, huh?


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has some things to say. Good thing he's a great communicator.

If Eileen’s face was unforgettable, it was nothing compared to Sam’s when he came around the doorway. 

Dean managed to get his boxers, pants and black shirt on, while Castiel was somehow fully dressed (excluding the tie and trench coat) by the time Sam appeared. 

“Oh my—”

“Sam I—” Dean choked out, desperately looking for his socks out of the corner of his eye. 

“Sam you—” Castiel said at the same time, and they turned towards each other from opposite sides of the bed, gulped, and Dean could see he was thinking the same thing:  _ What the Hell are we going to do now?  _

Castiel seemed to know already. After a tense moment, he cleared his throat, clenched his jaw, rolled his shoulders back and walked out of the room, right past Sam who followed him with wide eyes and Eileen cowering behind him, a hand over her mouth and guilt forming a storm in her eyes, with all the dignity of a king. 

Dean couldn’t help but look at Sam again. His face was unreadable. 

Dean wanted to cry. He wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself in it. He wanted to break into a thousand pieces that scattered on the floor and could never be put together again. 

He was so  _ angry,  _ suddenly. He felt a fire building deep inside his gut, but it was nothing like the fire he felt when he kissed Cas, it was something  _ ugly  _ and  _ deformed _ and he wanted to throw up. His breath started to feel shallow and he staggered for air, his wrinkles showing as his frown deepened. Because this wasn’t supposed to happen like  _ this _ . 

Sam wasn’t supposed to find out like  _ this.  _ Their love wasn’t supposed to be discovered like  _ this.  _ Their love deserved  _ better,  _ and Dean felt like a failure. An utter, irreversible failure. 

Just when Dean started seeing a tunnel, felt his heartbeat shake his whole body with the rhythm (telltale signs he was going to pass the fuck out), Sam breathed out softly: 

“It’s about time.” 

And he was  _ smiling _ . He was grinning, dimples showing, puppy eyes sparkling in a way Dean only ever saw when Sam was seven years old and he managed to steal him a popsicle for desert after a Mac and Cheese dinner. 

It felt like someone had just released him from a chokehold. Air came  _ bursting  _ back into his lungs, his vision sorted out, Sam and Eileen focused into two entities again and the volume of his heartbeat dimmed in his ears. His blood sang in ease, and he was  _ pleasantly  _ surprised. 

He took the first step. “We should talk.” 

**** 

They were in the library, sitting on either side of the table, initials between them, uniting them. 

Dean was on his second glass of whiskey. He had drained his first as soon as Sam poured it, trying to muster courage into his bloodstream. His fingers fidgeted at the bottom of it, bringing it to his lips for another sip. 

Sam was silent. He had a glass himself, but weirdly hadn’t taken a drink of it yet. Dean was jealous of the fact that maybe he didn’t need to. 

Sam looked expectant, but Dean knew he wasn't going to push. The silent walk they had to the library, after Dean finally found his flannel and socks and Sam squeezed Eileen’s hand in a ‘See you later’ gesture (She looked so guilty Dean felt worse for her than for himself for a second), let him know Sam was going to be extra patient about this. He would let Dean take however much time he needed. 

Castiel was nowhere to be found. 

Somewhere in a corner of Dean’s mind, he realized this was  _ ridiculous _ . Was he really about to open up? To his brother? About his fears and feelings?

And then he remembered. Chuck was out there, Rowena had sacrificed herself, Jack was  _ dead.  _ And the world was still full of monsters and the end of the road seemed nearer and nearer every passing second. In retrospect, Dean had nothing to lose by facing his demons head on. In fact, he hoped he would  _ gain  _ something from being true to himself, for the first time. 

He thought he might as well start with the truth. Because it’s the only thing that made sense in his brain, the only thing he couldn’t lie to himself about. 

“I love Cas.” 

After a moment, Sam nodded, “I know.” 

Dean blinked. And suddenly he was seeing his relationship with Cas  _ differently _ . He remembered it  _ differently.  _

Why did Sam always insist Dean buy the groceries as much as possible? Why did he always leave the room as soon as possible when Cas was around? Why did he always encourage Dean to go hunting with Cas, alone? Why did he always  _ seem  _ to know? 

Did he always know? 

“Okay.” He said, “Okay. And uh— you— you’re okay with it?” 

Sam straightened up, a frown twisting his face into one of sadness that Dean was surprised at. 

He scoffed, “Dean, of  _ course _ I am.  _ Of course  _ I’m okay with it.” 

Dean could cry. All he ever wanted was approval. Acceptance. To have that from his brother, the one person in his family that was still alive, the person who mattered to him the most in this world? It felt like a dream come true and Dean was scared to wake up. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sam asked. 

Dean blinked away and raised his whiskey to his mouth again.  _ No.  _ Now, this was forbidden territory. Dean Winchester never talked about his  _ feelings.  _ Especially not with Sam, and  _ especially  _ not about roots. Triggers. The past and the ugly scars it left behind. 

“Dean,” Sam continued softly, “I just want to know,  _ why _ you hid it from me?” 

He felt his head spin as he looked at Sam, who seemed so sincere it was annoying, and he clenched his jaw so hard his temples hurt. He  _ couldn’t  _ do this. He  _ couldn’t.  _

When he still didn’t speak, Sam kept going. “I need you to know that I knew. I-I mean at first… I suspected. Like  _ heavily _ ,” He shrugged, “but I knew there was something more than friendship there. And, yes for years, I  _ knew.  _ And I just never found the right way to bring it up, or we never had the time because we had to  _ save  _ the world, so it kept slipping. Opportunity after opportunity, and eventually I just figured,” He waved his hands up in dismissal and chuckled, “If he’s happy, either way it doesn’t matter.” 

It took Dean a second, but he realized with a shudder he was tearing up. Sam was too. 

“I want you to be  _ happy,  _ Dean.” His voice cracked and he tried blinking tears away to no use, “You took care of me my whole life. You  _ raised  _ me. You always put my well-being and happiness first but you’ve forgotten that you deserve that too.” He pointed a finger at Dean. 

“You deserve to be happy and be yourself. You deserve to have a relationship that can  _ see _ the light of day because you’re a  _ hero,  _ Dean. You’re a good man,” He sniffed. 

“You deserve to not be afraid anymore.” 

Dean’s throat felt completely clogged, and he watched as Sam finally took a drink, trying to even his breathing again. He watched as Sam’s huge shoulders stopped moving so much and he watched as Sam sniffed again and ran his hands through his hair, clearing his throat before taking another sip. 

Dean admired the man he had raised. 

He never thought he would actually get to witness his own subconscious effort to make Sam a  _ better man  _ than their dad ever was, come through so strongly. 

But Sam  _ was _ better. Dean always thought he was a reflection of their dad, a smudged copy, but Sam was so, so different. He was the prodigy child.  _ Watch out for Sammy.  _ He was always going to be different and he was always going to be better, he was going to be the  _ best  _ of them all.  _ Yes, sir.  _

But Sam rebelled. He worked against it and he broke free. He made his own identity. And that identity included everything that was a part of him, from hunting to domestic life, Sam was  _ Sam.  _ And Sam was different. 

He was so special that he accepted who Dean was before Dean  _ himself.  _

Sam wasn’t John. 

And isn’t that the truest thing of them all? That Sam knew, always knew, and he accepted it? Dean realized that this  _ whole fucking time,  _ he wasn’t doubting Sam, and whether he’d be disguted or angry or  _ disappointed  _ with him. He wasn’t afraid of Sam saying  _ We’re not family anymore,  _ because Sam had done it before and Dean didn’t know if he could handle it again. He was doubting himself. Just like he always had. 

_ Not man enough, like John.  _

_ Not smart enough, like Sam.  _

_ Not brave enough, like Cas.  _

_ Cas.  _

Castiel never doubted him. So why did he always second guess himself? 

“It’s not linear,” He said suddenly, his voice just a rough whisper, “It didn’t start one day and grow from there.”

He took a deep shaky breath, reminded himself:  _ Nothing to lose _ . 

“It built. And… it trapped me.”

“Because of where we grew up. Because of society. Because of expectations and responsibilities,” His voice cracked, “Because of dad. The stories he told, the  _ shit  _ he did whenever I made a mistake.”

He swallowed dryly, “Because of mom. And she believed in angels and all that  _ bullshit  _ and because of that I couldn’t disappoint her. I-I couldn’t  _ desecrate _ her memory like that.”

“ _ I had to honor her.” _

He grimaced at himself in pity. He felt pathetic, “So I pretended. I lied. And it became easier over time to just think about it as more skeletons in the closet. And then he came and --”

He didn’t have to name him because Sam  _ knew.  _

_ Castiel.  _

All these years. So patient, it was infuriating. 

Dean ran a shaky hand down his face, “I--” He struggled for the right words, “I find a  _ peace _ in him I never thought I would.” 

“And I can’t-- I can’t bring myself to think that it’s okay. It's just  _ okay _ to  _ think  _ and  _ be _ like this, that it's  _ just-- all fine _ and  _ dandy _ and it won’t mess anything up. That it won’t-- disrespect anyone. I-- just can’t, Sammy.”

Sam’s face looked so pained, and he reached a long arm towards Dean, grasping his hand. “Dean,” He choked out, “They’re  _ gone.” _

“Whether you like it or not, there’s no one to  _ honor  _ anymore. They’re gone. And the family that you have right now,”

_ Sam. _

_ Jody, Donna, the girls. _

_ Bobby. _

_ Eileen. _

_ Cas. _

_ Cas.  _

Cas. 

“We have  _ no expectations.  _ We just want  _ Dean.  _ Whoever he is. We want the true version of Dean.”

“Whoever  _ you  _ decide that is.”

And there it was. Sam was telling Dean it was up to him. He could decide who he was, not his rough abusive father or absent memory of a mother. Not society’s pressures and rules. Not anybody. It was up to him, now. 

Suddenly, Dean had free will. 

****

Castiel was in his room, twiddling his thumbs, waiting for the bomb to drop. 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew how this would go. Dean would either completely deny it or blame it on Cas.  _ It was a one time thing, man.  _ He’d say with an exaggerated slur,  _ We were both drunk.  _

After years of sneaking around, for them to be caught by a forgotten unlocked door seemed comical. They were hunters, saviors,  _ heroes.  _ Who the fuck forgot to lock the door? 

He heard a soft knock.  _ Of course.  _ Now  _ they knock. _

“Come in.” He muttered angrily. 

Eileen creaked the door open and walked in.  _ Hi, _ she signed. 

Castiel wasn’t extremely fluent in sign language but he picked up most of it and Eileen continued.  _ Just wanted to say I’m sorry. _

Castiel shook his head, with a sad smile he said slowly to help her, “It’s not your fault.”

“I have to say, I’m actually glad it was you and not Sam. Dean would have dropped dead on the spot.”

She chuckled, a pretty smile on her face,  _ I don’t know how else to say this,  _ Her hands signed hesitantly,  _ But we both knew.  _

Castiel could only stare. She shrugged and smiled in response. 

“Sam just thought it better to let it go. I didn’t know you guys were home. Was just looking for Dean because we brought back pie.” She said out loud, with a sad twisted smile, and if Castiel wasn’t beating himself up over not being sneaky enough, he might have felt worse for her. 

“It’s…” He paused. He didn’t know if it would be alright. He didn’t know what kind of conversation Dean was having with Sam. He didn’t know if it would all be okay. 

Yet, before Eileen walked in, Dean was the one who wanted to tell everyone.  _ He  _ brought it up first, he made that first move and it meant  _ everything  _ to Cas. That maybe after all they’d been through, especially after Mary and  _ Jack,  _ Dean still loved him and loved him enough to not be afraid to hide it anymore. 

Castiel didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t know what  _ it  _ was.

He’d always been on board. Now, it was Dean’s turn. 

“Up to him.” He said. 

****

When Dean’s hand wrapped around Castiel’s, it was more than a declaration. 

Out in the open, right in front of Sam and Eileen, in the map room, as soon as Castiel had come around the corner and reluctantly stepped through the threshold. 

There was a beat, and their palms were touching, electric currents passing through their calluses. Scary and vulnerable and at the same time grounding them both to each other. It was  _ real.  _

And the world deserved to know it. 

“Cas and I are together.” Dean said, and he felt strange forming the words and saying them out loud. Castiel felt relief spread through him as he heard Dean say, loud and clear, the words he never expected to hear. Dean squeezed his hand and looked at him, and instead of feeling regret or fear, the pure _ love _ and  _ pride  _ in Castiel’s eyes made Dean feel  _ alive _ and  _ positively triumphant _ . 

They were invincible. 

Sam’s smile illuminated his face, it matched Eileen’s, and he joked, “Yeah. Just-- don’t forget to lock the door next time.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. So that was A LOT! 
> 
> Weirdly enough, this sequel was completely unplanned, and it ended up being the longest thing I've ever written. (So far)   
> So I'm gonna pat myself on the back, because I'm pretty proud of myself ngl...
> 
> Being in Dean's head was exhausting this time. He has many feels. But I hope I did him right. And I hope I stayed true to my fave character. And I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> Comment what you would do if someone walked in on you having the sexy times??


End file.
